he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
