Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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