just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
In America we eat man semen.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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