I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
