She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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