the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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