Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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