i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
