Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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