my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
