There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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