NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
