i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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