Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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