Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
