I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
