nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
