Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
