i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
