....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
try to milk me bitch
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
