Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
