I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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