I'd wear matching sweaters with you
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
