My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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