What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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