I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
