I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
