He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
