Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
