I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
