you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
