If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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