i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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