so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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