That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
