she looked like the before picture.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
