Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
