Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
