He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
