I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
