Whatcha textin bout Willis?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
