i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You don't make any sense
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