some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
