His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
this will be a night to untag.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
