I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
