My first STD was from a foam party
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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