i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
