I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
