Just fell off a train. Bad.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
