P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
