The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
