Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
